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Sunday, February 20, 2005

deaR diaRy,

i went to deaR's house last satuRday (19/02/05) to meet his family foR the fiRst time... CNY visit as an excuse... didn't want to go actually... well.. i was scaRed! Really scaRed... deaR and i have been togetheR foR almost 3 yeaRs... his paRents only got to konw ouR Relationship last yeaR and i finally get to meet them this CNY... i was so neRvous the night befoRe that i had bloody nightmaRes... sianz... woke up sweating with cold palms... and as i embaRked on the jouRney to deaR's house which is in the otheR end of singapoRe at 10.30 in the moRning, i couldn't calm myself down... i didn't know what to say to his paRents.. how to React... what if they asked me awkwaRd questions and i dunno how to answeR? what if i said something wRongly? the sense of impending doom felt woRst than when i RepResented nass in the chinese debate... i wasn't pRepaRed! then again... what is theRe to pRepaRe?

deaR came down to meet me at the mRt station... i didn't want to go up ALONE! as i dRagged my feet along, i felt moRe neRvous than eveR.. appaRently, deaR didn't botheR to soothe my distuRbed emotions.. instead, he just pulled me along... not giving me time to Really pluck up enough couRage... and then he opened the dooR to his home... his motheR came to welcome me... obviously the fiRst thing i could do was to SMILE, gReet heR, passed heR the madaRin oRanges which i Really spent a lot of time choosing and wished heR a happy new yeaR.. and SMILE...

his motheR was Relatively hospitable... but i felt uncomfoRtable as she sat down as well and staRt to shoot me with questions... i was RatheR shocked by the details of heR questions... and Really felt disgusted by some.. "what's the name of uR bRotheR's school's pRincipal?" goodness sake!! how would i know!?!? "does youR motheR job scope includes washing the toilets as well?" (luckily i didn't tell my mum this... ) as she bombed me with intRinsic questions of my family, deaR sat beside me... silent.. oh... i MUST quote this...

"jianhao used to be veRy diligent when he was in pRimaRy school... became lazy in secondaRy school... but okay lah.. those with in-boRn talent can do with a bit of laziness... those without in-boRn talent may still be able to cope if they woRk Really haRd... but those without in-boRn talent and aRe lazy one... they aRe beyond cuRe...."

what was that supposed to mean?! an act to pRaise his son? oR tRying to hint me that i'm not good enough foR heR son?! felt quite insulted by that... hey... i may not be scoRing as gReat as heR son, at least i made it to uni k? god knows how pRoud my paRents aRe of me foR that veRy entRance to uni...

foR the 20 odd minutes i stayed theRe... his mum just kept asking me questions... his dad smiled at me, but didn't stay aRound to talk.. *phew* his sis came out upon his mum's Request... but didn't talk to me diRectly eitheR... then deaR went to change and we went out foR lunch at west mall cos i still had additional lessons foR financial accounting that afteRnoon...

my mum flew into a Rage when i told heR about the visit... she didn't like it that his mum asked me so many questions... then she said she didn't even ask deaR anything though he comes to my house so often.. my mum feels that his mum looks down on us... being pooR... and that my paRents' occupation aRe lowly... blah blah blah... she went on foR a long time... then my sis suddenly pRovoked heR by asking heR to shut up... she flaRed up.. thRew a coconut on the flooR, tuRn off the gas of the stove.. and stoRmed into bathRoom in the masteR bedRoom and cRied...

seeing this situation, i immediately went to bath and get out of the house asap.. i hate to be involved in such situation...

when i woke up this moRning and was going to bRush my teeth, my mum Rant on again bout deaR's motheR.. of couRse i kept quiet.. i didn't know what to say! basically she was Repeating what she had said yesteRday... but was just tRying to put acRoss heR unhappiness... haiz.. maybe i shouldn't have told heR... maybe i shouldn't have even gone to deaR's house... what if she just disappRove of me and deaR togetheR?

deaR insists that a relationship should involve only 2 peRsons while i believe that it should involve 2 families... afteRall.. i'm not going to feel comfoRtable with him if my mum is unhappy that i'm hanging aRound with this guy! maybe i'm thinking too much out of this incident... but it's making me feel veRy upset... deaR says i shouldn't put too much thought into this.. he just can't be botheRed.

but Right now, i'm feeling unhappy.


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