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Friday, March 25, 2005

deaR diaRy...

an entRy to pass time while waiting foR the next lectuRe...

i'm actually supposed to be studying Right now... but i'm not in the mood to do so... fuRtheRmoRe, i'll be studying out with Ronglun tml... so... yah... excuse foR me to slack now...

peRtaining to the title... yah... these few days have been RatheR bad foR me... i'm seriously lacking of good sleep... eveRynight i get to sleep within a comfoRtable time... sleep comfoRtably well foR a few houRs... but... at 2+am... i'll suddenly wake up foR no appaRent Reason... and feel aching all oveR... the fiRst few days this happened was not that teRRible.. i just felt like my back couldn't stRaighten and the whole veRtebRal column was aching like anything... sleeping on the cold haRd flooR solved the pRoblem... but the pRoblem is becoming woRse... fRom just a puRe aching back.. it has evolved to an excRuciating abdominal pain... this is bad.... veRy bad... i'm very suRe it's my stomach that's causing all the pRoblem.. having taking the anatomy module... i know it has to be the stomach...

at fiRst i thought it was becuase of gastRic pain again... having been to the hospital once foR gastRic pRoblem... but then again.. it couldn't be... i've been having Relatively RegulaR meals these few days... eating when i'm hungRy and not staRving myself... how could it still be gastRic pain? neveRtheless, the thought of my stomach walls corroding by the acids pRoduced still lingeRs... ahh... anatomy.. could it be stomach ulceR? could it be stomach canceR? maybe the ulceR will eRode thRough the stomach wall and empties all the contents... RuptuRing the suRRounding vessels... causing inteRnal bleeding... maybe i would just collapse one day without any waRning... maybe i'm dying... maybe...

theRe has been enough pRoblems and woRRies in the household alReady... i didn't wanted to add on to the family buRden... much as i wanted to go to see a doctoR duRing the long night i was cRying undeR the blanket in enduRance of the pain... i took panadols night afteR night in vain... i couldn't bRing myself to tell my mum.... and indeed i was glad i didn't... when moRning came... i saw heR eyes Red and swollen... fRom the cRying and woRRying.... i was glad i didn't...

and when moRning came... i'm no longeR in pain... befoRe i left home i put on my mask... xiuting is still a jovial giRl by day... but undeR the mask... i was weeping in vain...


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