deaR diaRy,

things haven't been going well foR me this past yeaR... =(

my mateRnal gRandfatheR passed away last july... and his fiRst death anniveRsaRy is coming soon.. while i was on my way to my student's house in woodlands, i saw a gRoup of ppl sending theiR loved one on his/heR last jouRney... and i just teaRed.. on the bus.. =*( i think i'm getting veRy emotional nowadays... haiz... *gua3 gong1... (dialect; Read: mateRnal gRandfatheR) =*/

januaRy was fine.. ouR family seemed to have blessings fRom god.. we stRuck 4D twice(oR was it thRice?) consecutively... though amount was small, we thought it meant good luck... who knows...

soon afteR, my dad lost his job... and till now still unsuRe of whetheR he has to face a fine.. haiz... then i tRied to help by emailing the goveRnment bodies and the company many times and appealed foR help... so many times in vain... =(

and that time my sis finished heR attachment, gRaduate and can't find a job... mom's stRuggling alone with heR miseRable income to suppoRt the family.. i took up moRe tuitions to pay foR my 20% school fees, phone bills, tRavelling concessions and food... also tRied to find jobs foR my dad online... again.. in vain.. cos my dad dunno english...

when my family is in diRe state then the stupid wisdom tooth had to come and add on my buRden... aRgh... stupid tooth.. iRRitating tooth... painful tooth.. expensive tooth!!

dad still without a job, pending foR taxi test afteR his couRse end in july... pass test then can staRt woRk as taxi dRiveR.. seRiously, i still dun like the idea of my dad being a taxi dRiveR... his chaRacteR doesn't suit lah.. fRom what i know bout my dad.. and i think quite dangeRous also.. but... haiz.. what else? no choice...

good thing sis has staRted woRk.. as a teacheR in some jap school.. eaRning miseRable income of $1400 even though she's a food science univeRsity gRaduate!!! and she still got to Repay dad's CPF also...

family and money issues have been botheRing me a lot this past yeaR.. i've leaRnt to appReciate my family moRe... to talk to them and to spend moRe time with them... hope we can pull thRough this togetheR... money issue... nothing i can do to alleviate the situation... sianz...

钱乃是生外之物。。 i've leaRnt to 看开 le.. like Ronglun said.. money can also eaRn back... and Really.. i do have some savings.. but i'm just not willing to paRt with my money to bloody dentists... i RatheR spend it on shopping.. haha... yeah.. those savings weRe my haRd eaRned money fRom woRking at DHL last hols.. savings ReseRved to pay paRt of my tuition fee loan when i gRaduate... but now.. i think i'll just use it...

fatheRs' day coming.. i'm gonna give my dad $500 so that he got money to spend.. i saw his bank account book (my mum showed me..) theRe isn't even $50 inside... gonna give mum $1000 too when this hols end so she can use the money to pay foR my 20% tuition fees and also have some money to pay foR household bills + bRotheR's tuition fees while my dad is still jobless... i've alReady done my best... yet i still feel so helpless... =/

anyway, wanna take this chance to thank my deaRest deaR who has been by my side thRough difficult times...

deaR, i know it's been haRd on you too.. to have to beaR with my mood swings.. shouting and scReaming at one moment... cRying and wailing on the next... thank you foR also being so toleRant.. foR giving me the mental suppoRt i Really needed... otheRwise i could have just gone bonkeRs.. thank you foR uR eveRy little gestuRe tRying to life my spiRits.. to comfoRt me.. be it a little squeeze of my hand.. oR taking me into uR embRace, stRoking my haiR and patting my back lightly... even though u neveR say anything(as usual..)... u could still take away my unhappiness that i've bottled up foR the whole week(aRgh.. why do we have to be sepaRated by stupid NS?!)... deaR.. i thank you foR being so patient and undeRstanding with me... i love you deaR... *huGz*